You know, if raising your voice worked, parenting would be simple, am I right? We could simply scream, “Jump!” and our kids would obey. child behavior problems would be a rare occurrence. Parenting advice to would come easy - just blow your top. But here’s the hard facts: it never pays off. I’ve told parents, “Look, if yelling at kids was productive, I’d be out of a job. You’d just be able to hollar[snap at your kid and he’d change. Or you would bring your daughter to my office, I’d scream at him and call him insults for 45 minutes, and then your child would go home and be sweet for a week. Once any adult had kids, parenting advice would be easy to dole out.
When a mother or father tells me they yell at the kids, I can empathize. I’m also a father and I’ve worked with adults and kids all my life. Let’s face it, it can be tough being a stong parent, and it can be tough being a child. I believe parents end up raising their voices at their kids because they’ve simply depleted other ways to solve the problem. Instead, they rely on power to get the job done. And it works, so long as the other person is willing to accept this from you. But realize that once your child learns to yell back, your screaming will accomplish nothing. And make no mistake, yelling skills are harder for kids to get rid of than they are to learn.
In my experience, no parent should get into a screaming match with their child; it gives kids too much power. It also does not help you with the problem at hand, whether it’s getting your child to take out the trash, stop playing video games, or to come home on time. The other downside is, screaming transforms you into your child’s equal. When you’re out of control, they know it and for the time you’re in that fight with them, your respect is reduced.
The 3 Things Your Child Learns from Shouting:
- Your child learns that power is how things get done. More precisely, he learns that overpowering others is the simplest way to get things done.
- Your child learns that his parents can lose control, and that by pushing the right buttons, they can get you upset Make no bones about it, once you’ve started using shouting as a behavior tool, you’ve presented everything he needs to know about pushing your buttons.
- Your child learns how to shut you off. Mentally and emotionally, he quickly learns how to stop listening when the yelling starts.
These are the reasons why the old school parenting advice of just yelling doesn’t work. Teaching your kids the opposite of what you want them to do is not the answer. Reducing your power down to a child’s level doesn’t work either. Screaming orders in order to get things done is not how to get your children to listen and follow.
